March 2012
That really shitty moment when you fully understand that you lost someone near and dear in your life and that things may not ever get back to where they once were.
Dear Nathan,
I’m sorry for how inconsiderate I was. I’m sorry for blowing you off when we had JUST made plans. I’m sorry for stringing you along. I’m sorry for pushing you away. I’m sorry for building up walls. I’m sorry for almost killing you with green tea. I’m sorry that we haven’t gone on an adventure. I’m sorry we never went back to the ledge....
February 2012
My mind is spiraling out of control.
And my heart is in an even worse condition.
Bon Iver: And I told you to be patient, and I told you to be fine. I told you to be balanced, and I told you to be kind, but now all your love is wasted. And then who the hell was I?
Death Cab: So one last touch and then you'll go and we'll pretend that it meant something so much more. But it was vile, and it was cheap and you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me. Yeah, you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me
Radiohead: But I can't help the feeling I could blow through the ceiling if I just turn and run. And it wears me out... It wears me out. If I could be who you wanted, if I could be who you wanted all the time... all the time.
Brand New: You are calm and reposed, let your beauty unfold. Pale white like the skin stretched over your bones, spring keeps you ever close. You are secondhand smoke, you are so fragile and thin standing trial for your sins. Holding onto yourself the best you can. You are the smell before rain, you are the blood in my veins.
Nicki Minaj: You a stupid hoe, you a you a stupid hoe. You a stupid hoe, you a you a stupid hoe. You a stupid hoe, you a you a stupid hoe. You a stupid hoe, you a you a stupid hoe. You a stupid hoe, yeah you a you a stupid hoe.You a stupid hoe you a you a stupid hoe. You stupid stupid, you a stupid hoe
Here's insight into my head right now:
“Time” — Hans Zimmer
Godspeed.
megamegmeg:
mother fucker. i will end you.
I don’t even care that I was up until 6ish this morning.
Yeah, I’m exhausted and yeah, I could have spent that time more wisely.
But you just can’t replace those sort of talks, you know? You just can’t. One of the best nights ever.
It’s a John Mayer sort of night.
I’m not trying to feel sorry for myself, but everything is just going wrong and more wrong right now.
This is the definition of life though, and I suppose I’ll roll with the punches.
How can a person be so outrageously happy and so unbelievably sad all at once?
I am.
I’m so looking forward to this weekend with my band family.
On another note, thanking God for His hand of protection on me, Zac and Niall last night in our accident. It could have been way worse. My hand is still kind of stupid and I have a migraine from the bowels of hell, but I’m alive and...
Leftover Denny’s and a piece of strawberry swirl cheesecake for lunch, complete with a bottle of water.
Living the life.
Now, onward ho to my lesson.
Not excited.
I need my Dad.
I just really need my Dad right now.
When my Dad lived in Alaska, he called me one time while he had a 24 hour duty and he said, “Hope Kid, listen to a song called ‘Yellow’. It’s by a band named Coldplay and I think you’ll appreciate it someday. If you’re down or you miss me, listen to this.” It just came on shuffle and I broke down completely. He got his new orders this morning. He moves to...
LET ME JUST CAPS LOCK ABUSE/REINTERATE HOW...
I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF
I have seriously had the GREATEST two days. /EVER And I don’t even know why. I’m just so happy and I’m doing well in school. Tau Beta is going phenomenally and I’ve gotten so close to my MC brothers, especially TJ. He’s a Godsend. And don’t even get me started on my MC sisters. And J.A. Ball is this weekend and just….aaaaahhhhh. Joint Activity is coming up...
It’s so hard to begin saying the things that are the hardest to say. You can’t ease the blow with a, “How was your day?” You just have to jump into it, head first. Shoot the words out, point blank, and pray to God you can finish saying what your heart is telling you to say.
If I ever date anyone again, I want that one sort...
Where you play games and have tickle fights. You cook together and you watch all sorts of movies. Where you have a mutual group of friends and you always hang out and everyone is close and asks about how you’re doing. I want a relationship where the guy will come to my performances and he’ll be smart enough to bring me flowers after a really big performance. Because that’s what...
